


Shrapnel

by littlemissstark315



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Established Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Infinity War spoilers, M/M, Pepper is a good friend, Porn with Feelings, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Spoilers, Superfamily, borderline divorced, but it's bad, don't read this until youve seen it, its more "lets make it hurt five times more", seriously, this isnt a fix it with fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-04-30 05:50:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14490195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemissstark315/pseuds/littlemissstark315
Summary: After Infinity War, Tony and Nebula make it back to earth, back to Stark Tower where Tony is forced to call his almost-divorced husband Steve and inform him that their son is dead. It’s a bit of a mess but that’s healing right?





	1. Chapter 1

"So how’s peter been?” Pepper said as her and Tony walked side by side outside. Ever since the fall out with the rest of the avengers and the accords, the fallout with Steve, Peppers been there to pick up the pieces. Hell, he had her write up divorce papers that’s been sitting on his desk for the past few years, yet to be signed and made official. Maybe because it made it so final; no going back.

 

He nodded. “He’s good, great actually. He made honors again.” “Well having you for a dad probably helps that.” He gave her a playful glare as he stopped to drink from his water bottle. “Are you saying your nephew isn’t smart on his own?” She gave a glare right back. “Smart ass.” It was quiet between them before she spoke again. “Have you talked to Steve yet?” Tony went quiet, thinking of a quip or smart comeback but she already knew, sighing with exasperation. “Tony...”

 

“I’ve been busy, I have a son to raise, a company to run.” “And you will do anything to avoid him.” Pepper sighed as he looked away, fidgeting. “Those papers have been on your desk for nearly three years. Sooner or later you’ve got to talk to him. What about Peter?” Tony felt defensive. “What about Peter?” “Does he get to talk to his other dad?” Tony scoffed. “When he bothers to call him or check in. He hasn’t exactly been father of the year lately.” “Well you kinda made him a fugitive.” This time tony felt real anger bubble it’s way up. “He did that to himself.”

 

Suddenly there was a circle of sparkling gold light and someone stepping out of it. 

Tony got defensive, standing in front of Pepper as the rather nice looking man with a cape walked out of it. “Tony Stark?” Tony raised an eyebrow. “Who’s asking?”

 

“Excuse me for the short notice but I’m Dr. Stephan Strange and I need your help. It’s not stretching it to say the entire universe is at stake.” Tony turned to Pepper who looked worried. Tony decided what to do. “Pep, if I’m not back by the time peter is out of school, pick him up?” Pepper nodded and Tony walked through the portal.

 

When he walked in the first thing he saw was something he never thought he would see again. “Bruce?” Tony felt his heart in his throat as he saw Bruce. Bruce walked up to him. “I’m sorry I’ve been gone so long, I-“ Tony ran and hugged him quickly. “Shut up and hug me.” Bruce smiled, hugging him tightly. “I wish this was on better terms.” Tony pulled away, looking between him and doctor strange. “What’s going on exactly? Wheres Steve?” Tony sighed. "it's a long story. Whats going on and why is the universe at stake?"  

 

After he got the spiel of Thanos and how he aims to basically destroy everything and everyone, he felt they were in a impossible situation. “Tell me his name again.”

Dr.Strange obliged. “Thanos. And if we don’t stop him half the population is going to be gone with a snap of his fingers.” Tony stood up. “And how exactly are we supposed to defeat him? If he already has two stones, then it’s already over.” “We can’t think like that. We have stones as well. I have the time stone, vision has the mind, maybe if we-“ But he was cut off by a commotion outside, people screaming and sounding like something very big was coming near.

 

Tony was the first to run outside. People were running scared, he went the opposite they were running, needing to see what’s going on. He tapped the side of his sunglasses. “Friday, talk to me, what’s going on?” “That’s what I am trying to assess. There’s so much chaos, it’s hard to make anything out.”

 

When Tony turned the corner he nearly had a panic attack on the spot.

 

It was a portal. Or at least looked like a portal but when he got closer he saw it was actually a ship. “Friday, where’s Peter?” “On a school field trip three miles away.” “Good. Tell Pepper she’s on babysitting duty.” “Yes sir.”

 

Peter was half asleep on the school bus when he felt his senses go off, his hair standing on end. He turned and looked out the window, tensing as he saw a giant space ship with the worst design he’s ever seen (seriously, why was it a circle?)he knew his dad and other supers were there but they would need all the help they can get. He turned toward Ned, clapping him on the shoulder. “I need a distraction.” Ned grinned, eyes alight. “Distraction? Got it.” He turned toward the opposite window of the emergency exit window. “We’re all gonna die! Oh my god!” Peter tried not to laugh at his distraction as he quickly jumped out the window, quickly putting his costume on in the process as he webbed his way to the space doughnut.

 

The fight was pretty intense and it kept bringing up memories of the New York incident. Bruce brought up calling Steve since he has the number straight to his personal cell. But he’d rather fly a nuke into a space portal again than call him. 

 

Suddenly there was a blur of red and blue and webs and Tony nearly felt his heart stop. “Peter! What the hell are you doing here?!” Peter finished throwing a car at one of the bad guys. “I’m helping.” “We don’t need your help Peter, we need you safe! Go back to school or the tower-“ “Dad, let me help. You need all the help you need with them.”Even Strange had to give his two cents on the matter. “He’s right Stark, we need as many hands as we can to fight him.” Tony cursed. Between Peters stubbornness and the fact that Strange was right he gave in. “Fine. Peter, make sure he doesn’t leave the planet.” Peter nodded, already on it as they all tried to help fight.

 

Tony cursed as he flew higher and higher to Peter who was flying into the atmosphere on the space doughnut. “Friday, bring in Protocol 17-A.” Within moments a new suit was around Peter, helping him breathe.

 

Peter looked in awe at his new Iron Spider suit but his dad was next to him, pressing a button on the shit. “Sorry peter. Friday, take him home.” Then a parachute came out and Peter was flying away from the ship.

 

Peter was determined to show his dad he could be like the other supers, he can help save the world so he cut the parachute cords and stowed-away on the ship.

 

When Tony found out Peter had stowed away he was furious and beyond terrified. Strange tried to play peacekeeper for the wrong side as he stated “we need all the help we can get.” Tony turned to him, snapping. “He’s a child! Just a kid that’s not even out of high school yet! Do you really want to put him against Thanos? Someone that can kill him in a millisecond?” Peter tried to make it better. “Dad, I promise, I’ll be fine. If the fighting is too much I can hide or something.” Tony sighed, bringing shaking hands through his hair. If he could call Pepper he would, if he could call Steve he would because Peter needed off this damn ship and he knows Strange won’t just take them back to earth because being in the belly of the beast it far too good an opportunity at defeating Thanos.

 

Being on an alien planet was not what he thought it would be like but between the bickering and the fighting and then the actual fighting, he didn’t have much chance to think about it.

 

But then he got stabbed. Right through his gut, he could feel blood filling his mouth and Peter crying out. It was all a blur. But Strange was willing to offer the time stone.

 

He tried to look at him, best he could. “No...no...don’t.” But Strange kept on, holding it out. “Take it and spare his life.”Peter rushed to Tony, holding him close as Strange continued, Thanos walking closer to him. “Please, he has a son to look after. Spare him.” Thanos decided to have some sort of heart and actually did spare Tony.

 

Tony could feel his wound healing and binding back together and then Thanos was gone. Peter still cried and held his dad. Tony felt his own eyes water over, holding Peter close. “I’m still here, I’m still here peter.”

 

It seemed like nothing happened for a while. It was quiet but then he saw Peter Quill, Star-Lord he calls himself, starting to turn to dust, looking confused as hell.

 

But then it happened to the rest of them, one by one. Peter became terrified, holding his father tightly, hugging him. Tony was about to say something to Strange, about letting Peter come along and how he should have sent him home when he saw him turn to dust too.

 

Peter nearly sobbed into Tony’s chest. “I don’t want to go, I don’t want to..” But Tony felt terror go through him as he saw Peter, his Peter starting to turn to dust. He swallowed, laying him down, maybe he could stop it somehow but Peter just looked terrified and so, so young, crying. “Dad, I love you.” Tony had to remember to breath before he spoke, his voice thick. “I love you too Pete, your other dad does too, you know that?” But peter was gone, all that was left was the dust left on Tony’s hands.

 

Tony just stared at the spot for an amount of time he didn’t count. Eventually it sunk in he was alone and his son is dead.Stephen strange and Peter quill and the rest do the ones he’s met today, are dead.

 

They were dead and he was alone. He just clutched his hand and sobbed harder than he ever had. 

 

Now, more than ever he wanted to call Steve. Needed him more than ever. A heartbreaking and terrifying thought made Him stop: what if Steve was gone too? What if Pepper was gone? Did this happen on earth too? How is he going to get back and does he want to?

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted from my phone. Sorry if I missed any grammar mistakes.

In his grief Tony had forgotten about Nebula. He hadn’t noticed her until he eventually calmed enough to think semi-rationally.

 

He saw her sitting a small distance away from him, staring at the ground. As if the ground itself wronged her. He stood, shakily, grief and anxiety pounding through him like an angry river. She spoke, nearly startling him. “I wondered when you would stop weeping. Pathetic.” Tony swallowed his defense and anger at her down, she lost her sister, she’s hurting too.“We need to get off this rock. Any ideas?”

 

Nebula stood up. “Quill came here in his ship, the Milano. It should still work if we can find it.”“Any idea where?” Nebula pointed as she started waking. “This way.”

 

They were quiet as they walked and Tony felt his mind crumbling again. He could still feel Peter in his arms, shaking and terrified and begging him to help.

 

He stopped walking as his breathing got faster and a sob erupted from him.

 

Nebula turned, glaring. Seeing him so openly hurt made her think of her own loss and made her want to cry and grieve as well but that would be weakness and she can’t show that. “You need to stop crying. Right now the only one who has the power to bring him back is trying to destroy the universe. So either stop weeping or stay out of my way.”

 

Tony was flabbergasted by her, tears still in his eyes and body still shaking. “I lost my son. He died in my arms, you don’t think I deserve to grieve?” “I think you deserve revenge and staying here and weeping won’t bring that.” Tony sucked in a shaking breath. “How the fuck are we gonna get revenge? He probably has all the stones by now and if we couldn’t defeat him before we sure as hell can’t now.” Tony’s voice cracked. “I lost my son because of him. I might have lost my husband and best friend as well.” Nebula glared but it seemed softer. “Then what else do you have to lose?” The walk there was silent again but the Milano managed to survive Thanos attack.

 

Nebula forced back the happy memories that surround her on the ship. Quill attempting to teach her how to dance and Gamora having late night talks with her with the alcohol Rocket and Quill smuggled on board.

 

Until Thanos stole her away as a bargaining chip.

 

She started the ship, waiting until Tony was strapped in, flying away, using Tony’s locations.

 

When they were in earths atmosphere, Avengers tower within sight, he got his phone, calling Pepper with dread in his stomach.

 

It rang and rang and rang and with each ring his heart broke. When it went to voicemail he struggled not to sob, he’s done enough of that. Then nebula spoke. “Your earth looks in chaos.” Tony looked out the window and saw cars were crashed, some smoking, first responders and police alike confused on what to do.

 

She managed to land it on top of the tower and he nearly ran out, calling out. “Friday?! Friday are you-“ “I’m here sir, I’m sorry, I lost contact with Miss.Potts and Mr.Hogan.“ Tony struggled not to start crying again, running his hands through his hair. “The other avengers? Are you able to contact them?” “A few, not many are still with us.”

 

“Steve?” Tony asked with dread in his stomach. Until Friday spoke. “I still can contact him. Shall I request him here?” Tony shook his head, reaching in his pocket but found the phone was gone. He thanked god he had the number put into all his systems. He reached for his personal cell phone in a more protected pocket, calling Steve’s number.

 

He noticed Nebula walking around and looking a bit inpatient.

 

He nearly jumped when the other end picked up and his heart stopped, hearing that voice again. “Hello?” Tony’s voice was shaking. “Steve?” It was silent on the other end. Oh god. Did he make a mistake? Did he not want to talk to him? But then the voice on the other end was breathless. “Tony? Oh my god, you’re alive?”

“Unfortunately. Who’s made it out?” “Not enough. How’s Peter?” Tony shut his eyes right against the tears. “He’s gone.” “Tony..” “He’s gone.” He nearly sobbed, leaning against the Milano. “He’s gone Steve... he died in my arms.” “Where are you?” Tony swallowed down his tears. “The tower, New York, it’s a Fucking mess here.” “I’ll be there soon as I can. I’m in wakanda right now.Can you stay there? I know, I’m probably asking a lot right now.” “No, I can. I had Friday contact and request the others that made it here.” “Ok. I’ll...I’ll see you soon then.” “Ok.” Tony debates telling him I love you before hanging up but Steve already made the choice as the other end went silent.

 

He let out a shaky sigh as he started walking toward Nebula. “Now we wait.” She turned. “Wait? For what?” “For the others, regroup. They’re scattered everywhere.” “But he’s still out there.” Tony felt exhausted, bone dead exhausted. “I know, trust me, I know but we can’t do anything without a team or plan. So we wait.”Nebula glared at the city. “I don’t like waiting.” “Neither do I.” He stared at the bar that had a tarp over it.

 

He walked over, feeling it, debating what to do. He’s been clean for years, with Pepper and Steve’s help. Even stayed clean through the divorce (or lack of,it was never made official) but he’s lost his son today and half his team and half the entire world, he thinks he deserves a Fucking drink.

 

He threw the tarp off and started making himself a tumbler of whiskey. He didn’t care how warm it got, as long as it made him forget for a bit.

 


	3. Chapter 3

When Steve and the rest of the survivors showed up to the tower, Natasha had been the one to seek Tony out first. Letting Steve have some time to let things sink in, become familiar with his old home.

 

Natasha found Tony nearly passed out in Peters room, clutching one of his tee shirts and half crying, half mumbling. Natasha had to swallow her own grief down and go to him.

 

She sat on the twin bed. “I’m sorry Tony.” Tony mumbled out. “I couldn’t save him. I’m sorry, I...” Natasha put her hand on his back. “You couldn’t have prevented it. Thanos is beyond powerful. But we’ll find a way to bring them back. Right now we need to sober you up.” She helped him stand and got him into a shower, staying in the bathroom with him to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid, and got him some clean clothes.

 

Tony already Felt his hangover starting. He’s become a lightweight since he’s stopped drinking but right now he was thankful for that because he became sober faster.

 

But his head started pounding and he felt like turning to dust along side everyone else he’s lost.

 

But he didn’t get that.

 

Apparently the universe decided to let Tony live while his son, who isn’t even out of high school, has to die. 

 

He felt his eyes water but he stopped in his tracks as he saw Steve sitting at his kitchen table, eyes watery and red rimmed.He stood. “Tony..”

 

Natasha moved and Tony became scared as Steve bounded over. He braces for a punch, for letting Peter die but he felt familiar, warm arms wrap around him and that comforting voice in his ear, thick with emotion. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there Tony. “  Tony broke, shaking and hiding his face in Steve’s neck as he sobbed and held onto Steve like a lifeline. He felt Steve grieving too, sobbing along with him.

 

Natasha was already making tea as Bruce just stared at the tabel where he sat, Sam next to him. Thor leaning against the wall and a walking raccoon? He had so many Fucking questions.

 

What felt like hours which was actually barely five minutes, Steve pulled away and Tony nearly ran out of his grasp to get his bearings and who was all alive, leaning against the counter.

 

He swallowed the hopeless down. All the avengers and supers that were alive were all in his kitchen and it felt so small and broken. Tony let out a sigh. “What’s the plan?” Natasha spoke as she poured mugs of tea. “The plan is to heal for a bit while we think of a plan.” Tony sighed. “Great.”

 

“Tony?” Steve asked. Tony turned. “Yeah?” Steve wiped his eyes before he actually spoke. “Why did it take our son dying for you to call me?” Tony froze, feeling his heart stop and lungs cease. “Would you have come?” Steve walked closer. “If you or Peter needed me, yes. Why would you think I wouldn’t?” “Well you haven’t exactly made father of the year lately.” “I was trying to keep our friends safe. I had missions.” “You could have called him.It takes five minutes but your duty was more important than your family.”

Steve was about to retort when Thor stopped them, getting between them. “Enough! I have had enough of your bickering. Your son dying is more important than your petty squabbles you’ve had in the past. We shouldn’t take our loved ones for granted any longer.” 

 

Tony noticed how exhausted andhow red Thor’s eyes were. “He killed Loki.” “I don’t think he’s coming back this time either. No tricks.” Tony frowned, not exactly sure how to approach that. “I’m sorry, I know he meant a lot to you.” Thor nodded as he walked back to the tabel. 

 

Steve sighed. “Thors right. We can’t bicker and squabble. We’ve lost people, we can’t be fighting now, not each other.” He looked at Tony as he finished. “We’re all we have left.”Tony looked away, feeling a flutter in his heart, taking the tea Natasha offered and left. He vaguely wondered where Nebula went but found he didn’t care, not at the moment.

 

He didn’t feel like going to the lab (too many memories but really, what place didn’t in the tower?) so he settled to drink his tea in

the living quarters, watching a hopeless New York get back on its wobbly feet.

 

Rhodey walked in and sat next to him. “I’m sorry Tones.” Tony sipped his tea and shrugged. Reverting back to pretending emotions don’t exist. “Not your fault.” “I know but still, losing a child is...I don’t even want to imagine what you and Steve are going through.” Tony was quiet. “How’s the team?” “Broken, definitely but we’ll figure something out.” “Will we?”Rhodey looked out the window. “What other choice is there?”

 

It was quiet between them when Tony spoke. “He died in my arms Rhodey. He kept begging me to help him.” He felt his eyes water again, he doesn’t think he can ever stop crying. “He turned to dust. For all we know he could be in another realm or plane of existence.”“And if he is we’ll being him back, along with Everyone else Thanos got rid of.”

 

The rest of the night everyone kinda wondered about, looking like lost puppies.

 

Tony isn’t sure how he fell asleep but nightmares plagued him. Everyone turning to dust, Steve and Peter blaming him, peter asking why he didn’t help him.

 

He woke up sobbing and shaking and feeling sick to his stomach; he could still feel the dust on his hands.

 

“Tony?” He jumped, seeing Steve at the end of the couch he had fallen asleep in the living quarters. Tony could barely talk, his lungs going faster and faster as he started to dive head first into an anxiety attack.

 

Steve was there quickly, holding him close. “Hey, I got you, shh it’s alright, you’re safe.” Tony hid himself into Steve’s embrace, having missed it for so long and hating himself for not calling sooner, could they have worked things out? Tony whimpered into his chest. “I’m sorry...I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner. It was my fault..”Steve kissed his head and fought back his own tears. “It’s all in the past Tony, it’s ok. You have nothing to apologize for.”Eventually Tony calmed down and pulled out of his embrace. “Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be in your own bed asleep?” Steve still held Tony close. “I couldn’t sleep. How can I with everything that’s happened today? Friday alerted me to your nightmare. I just answered.” Tony pulled out of his embrace. “Well I’m fine now so you can go back to bed, sorry to disturb you.” Steve pulled him back. “Tony, I’ve lost so much today. I don’t want to lose anyone else. Stay with me tonight.” Tony swallowed the growing lump in his throat. “Just tonight?” “For as long as you’ll have me. I’m not losing anyone else. Come to bed with me?”Tony nodded, still shaking as Steve helped him up, arms wrapped around him as they walked to Steve’s room.

 

As they laid down. Steve holding Tony so impossibly close while tony hates himself, staring at the wall.Steve’s question ringing through his head.

 

Why did it take our son dying for you to call me?


	4. Chapter 4

Nebula wasn’t sure how everyone could sleep at a time like this but to be fair she never really needed sleep. She remembered Tony drinking and getting drunk, that sounded like a good idea.

 

She walked up the staircase to where she saw the bar.

 

When she got there she saw the large one, Thor he said his name is. He turned to her, seeing her in the doorway. He gave a weak smile. “You’ve lost someone too?” Nebula looked away from him. “My sister. He traded her for the soul stone.” “I am sorry for your loss.” He then handed out a whiskey bottle in offer.She walked over, taking it from him and taking a too long swig. When she stopped, placing it on the bar she looked at him. “Who did you lose?” “My brother, Loki. Thanos used me as a bargaining chip for the tesseract. He tried to backstab him, make him think he’s on Thanos side but Thanos saw through it, strangling him before breaking his neck.” Thor shivered. “I can still hear that crunch of his neck. Makes me sick.” “My sister was Gamora.” “I’ve met her. She is admirable.” “He killed her for the stone. The soul stone requires a sacrifice of someone you love and she was always his favorite. Goddamn bastard.”She felt her lip trembling but before any tears could fall she lifted the Whiskey bottle again, taking a long, burning swig.

 

Thor sniffled, wiping his eyes. “The sad thing is, I’ve gotten used to this. My brother is a god of tricks and I had to see him die twice only to return again. But I don’t think he’s coming back, not this time.” Nebula stayed quiet, eventually just letting the tears fall, not bothering to wipe them away as Thor continued.

 

“I always loved snakes. They were always my favorite animal. Maybe that’s why I loved Loki so much, he was a snake but he was my snake, ya know?” He chuckled wetly. “When we are kids he had transformed himself into a snake. He knew I loved them so I picked it up to admire it only for him to transform and stab me. My mother was trying not to laugh while our father lectured us on behaving.” 

 

Nebula looked at him, voice small. “What a great relationship you had.”Thor shrugged. “It wasn’t great, it had its ups and down but I loved him anyway.”

 

Thor took the whiskey bottle and poured two tumblers for them, handing one to her. “To siblings.” He held his mug up in a cheer. Nebula let out a huff, clinking her glass with his. “To siblings.” They took a drink to their siblings remberance and stared at their empty glasses, as if the glass itself could bring their loved ones back.

 

“Should have known people would be here.” They turned, seeing Rocket waking toward them and climbing onto the seat next to Nebula.

 

Thor asked first. “Who was it you lost?” Rocket sighed, taking the now almost empty bottle of whiskey. “Everyone? I saw Groot turn to ash in front of me, Nebula informed us of the others.” Nebula glared. “He killed groot?” Rocket looked up, a look of defeat in his eyes. “Turned to ash in front of me.”

 

Nebula growled,crushing her glass in her hand. “That bastard. He just has to take everyone.” She stood up so fast the barstool fell from underneath her as she walked, starting to pace the area.

 

Thor stood. “We will kill him, I swear to you Nebula. He may have taken everyone we loved but that should only burn the fire in our bellies even more-“ “Shut it! He’s taken my sister! Your brother and now groot and Tony’s son! He has to pay for this!” Rocket jumped down from the stool, nearly growling in her face. “With what exactly are we going to defeat him with?! When he snapped his fingers the glove was gone and so was he! So tell us where the hell are we supposed to start?!”

 

Nebula felt like a child and hated it. Her lip trembled. “He took my family.” Thor walked closer to her. “As he has mine but we are no closer to defeating him but we will, I promise we will avenge them.” Nebula looked up at him, voice thick. “How are you so sure?” Thor gave a sad smile, clapping a hand on her shoulder gently. “Because that’s what heroes do.”

 

That caused her to laugh, even a little but the laugh turned into a sob. Sobs that rocked her entire core, she felt like Thanos was taking her apart again, piece by piece.

 

She felt arms around her and saw Thor was hugging her. She can’t remember the last time she had any affection. 

 

But Thor’s embrace was warm, his arms practically wrapped around her twice as he let her cry and sob into his chest.


	5. Chapter 5

Tony didn’t sleep that night. Or the night after.

 

In fact he’s pretty sure he had been awake (and partially drunk) for the whole first week. He ignored the stares of pity and disappointment as he took another whiskey bottle to Peters room and locked himself in.

 

Nobody stopping him.

 

He denied he got hurt somehow by that thought.

 

He’s fallen into a depression and it isn’t like it’s the first time he’s been in the all consuming darkness of misery, he was just better at hiding it.

 

But then The avengers happened, Steve happened and Peter happened and his bravado got weaker and weaker until the real him shone through but after not having a mask for so long, he doesn’t know how to put it back on.

 

He knows Steve is the most disappointed in him. He had been clean for so, so long, through so many hardships but his son literally turning to dust in his arms, begging him to help, it put him over the edge.

 

He can still hear him, begging and sobbing for help, for Dad to help. His ashes still felt grainy on his hands even though he’s washed them to the point of bleeding, it’s still there.

 

He sat against Peters twin bed, staring at some of the blanket that fell on the floor.

 

Star Trek, with little enterprises and other logos spattered across the soft fabric that smelled like Peters apple body wash.

 

The kid always loved to debate him which was better: Star Wars or Star Trek.

 

A sob worked its way out of him as he gripped the fabric, wondering if he will ever get that wonderful argument back. Wondered if he will ever have Peter back.

 

Natasha became the mother hen along with Rhodey and Steve. Everyone was in mourning but a lot of them forget to take care of themselves on the best of days.

 

She attempted to get into Peters room, to drag Tony out if she had to but Friday informed her that Sir wishes to not be disturbed and has put a lockdown on the room.

 

Marsha frowned at the door with the robocop poster. “Can you make sure he doesn’t go too far down Friday? Alert us to anything?” “Of course Miss. Romanov.” Natasha nodded as she walked away, feeling like a failure.

 

Steve looked up from his drawing of as she walked into the living room. “No luck?” Natasha shook her head. “He has Peters room on a lock down. He’s gonna drink himself to death if he keeps up.” Steve stayed quiet, debating between literally breaking down the door or letting Tony grieve on his own.

 

But letting Tony grieve on his own could be a very bad idea. He talked to Friday. “Friday, can you call Rhodey in here?” “Yes Captain Rodgers.”

 

He stood as Rhodey walked in. “You called Cap?” “Yeah, I just need some advice. How was Tony when his parents died?” Rhodey sighed. “Numb mostly. Pretended he didn’t care when he really fucking did. That’s probably when the alcoholism started, he kept trying to repress it. I made sure he got water and food and made sure he didn’t drink himself into an early grave.Now though, it’s very different. Tony never had the best relationship with his parents but with Peter, fuck, that’s his own son. I’ve never seen Tones as happy as when he was with you two.” “Do you think I should kick down the door and drag him out?” “Absolutely. He needs someone to keep him from going over the edge and doing something stupid and that he’ll regret.” Steve nodded. “Thank you.”

 

Rhodey went to leave but turned. “What about you cap? How you handling this?” Steve sighed. “I don’t know, I’m not sure it hit me yet, not like with Tony.I know he says he’s gone but I’m not sure I’m quite accepting that yet.” Rhodey have a humorless huff. “You always were a stubborn son of a bitch. Glad Tony has you in his life. Now go get that idiot out here and some water in him.”

 

Steve nodded as he walked up the stairs to Peters room. He stared at the robocop poster. He’s walked by it countless times when he used to live here. One of Peters favorite movies, he remembers peter talking about it on occasion and now...now he wished he could hear about it again. Peter fluttering about like a butterfly, like Tony when he gets an indies for a new invention.

 

“Friday, can you open the door? I’d rather not literally tear it down.” “I’m sorry captain Rodgers but sir has put it on lock down, I cannot override it unless his life is in danger.”

Steve sighed. “Don’t say I didn’t ask nicely.” 

 

He punched it, quickly, putting a hole in the door. He didn’t even hear movement from inside. He got scared but remembered Friday would have alerted them if his life was in danger.

 

He punched again until there was a decent sized hole in the door and put both hands in it, literally pulling it off its hinges.

 

He eventually got it off, throwing it to the floor. He had to stop himself from running inside and grabbing him. There was whiskey bottles everywhere, maybe a few vodka and Tony was passed out completely on Peters bed.

 

The closer he got, the more he could tell how wrecked Tony was. His eyes were bloodshot and he likely hasn’t showered the whole week, just letting his depression eat away at him.

 

The sight made Steve realize that Peter was truly gone and Tony had to witness all of it. His felt his eyes water but he swallowed his tears down, picking Tony up carefully and carrying him to what was once their room.

 

The memories flooded him when he walked in. All the times he made love with the man who is currently passed out and beyond repair in his arms. All the sleepy mornings when Steve was the one that wasn’t that much of a morning person. Tony made him look forward to waking up each day, just to snuggle and disscus breakfast.

 

All the times Peter,when he was a little kid and not 16, would come in and wake them up.

 

A lump formed in his throat at the echo of little Peter.

 

“Daddy wake up! You promised pancakes!”

 

Steve let out a shaking breath as he laid Tony gently on the bed, making sure to find a few water bottles and painkillers, setting them on the bedside tabel before sitting down himself on the bed, letting it all sink in after nearly a week of babysitting everyone and making sure their all ok.

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

__He smelled the sharp dust of Titan, heard Strange tell him out of 14 million outcomes, they only won one, saw everyone turn to dust, including Peter._ _

__

__He held_ _ __P_ _ __eter as tightly as possible, wanting to help so badly it hurts but when Peter spoke it was weak but the message was clear. “Why did you let me die?” Tony nearly sobbed, holding him closer as the dust nearly engulfed_ _ __Peters_ _ __torso. “I didn’t...I can’t help..” “Dad. Why did you let me die? Don’t you love me?” But before he could answer_ _ __P_ _ __eter was nothing but dust left on his fingertips._ _

__

__He sobbed. “No...no I didn’t.” But Steve was in front of him now, glaring. “How could you do that_ _ __T_ _ __ony? To your own son?” Tony shook his head, voice breaking. “I didn’t. I couldn’t help him..” “_ _ __Y_ _ __ou could have, you were just too weak.”_ _

 

Steve got up from his spot. Seeing Tony in a fit of a nightmare, hands curled tightly around his pillow case, crying and mumbling in his sleep. He felt the familiarity drive him as he started to wake Tony. “Tony, Hey, wake up. You’re safe.” He shook him, calling out his name a few times before Tony woke with a gasp, still tight as a coil as his eyes looked frantic around the room.  

 

Steve ran his hand through his hair, putting an ache in his heart at the familiar action. “Hey,it’s alright. It’s just us.” That brought Tony back to bitter reality, speaking quietly. “I’m not sure that makes it better.” Steve frowned but let him have his bitter filled statement as he got up, handing him the glass of water and painkillers. “Here, I’m sure your head is killing you.” Tony took it, drinking all the water and pills down. “Well thank you for making sure I don’t die, you’re relived of duty.”

 

Steve glared softly at him. “I’m meant what I said Tony, I’m not leaving you again. I’m not losing anyone else.” Tony stood, it felt like his entire being was filled with darkness. “Funny how it took you losing everyone to realize that. Nice to see I’m the back up.” “Goddamnit Tony will you stop instigating a fight!” Steve hates when he raises his voice. Tony was quiet and Steve hated himself a little for that too, knowing how much the genius is hurting. “I hate that it came to this too. I hate that it took losing everyone to realize how much I don’t want to lose you too. I’m a goddamn idiot for making you think I stopped caring about you or Peter. I let my work become my life.”

 

 

 Steve walked closer to Tony, taking his shaking hands in his, seeing tears being held back in those dark eyes. “This might the worst time for this but I want to try again. You have no idea how much I missed you. “ Tony felt a lump from in his throat. “I missed you too.”  Steve brought his hands to Tony’s face, wiping tears away with his thumb. “When everyone was turning to dust all I could think about was you and Peter and if you were both safe.” Tony sucked in a breath, looking away. “I’m sorry, he should’ve taken me.” Steve kissed his head, wrapping him in his arms. “No, never be sorry for that. You had no control over it. I love you both so much-“ His voice cracked, tears starting to fall in Tony’s hair. Tony stayed quiet, relishing the feeling of Steve’s arms around him. Steve continued. “I won’t stop until I make everything right again.” He moved enough to tilt Tony’s head to look him in the eyes before gently kissing his lips. 

 

Tony let out a small sound, could have been a whimper, a moan, he just never thought he would taste these lips again, hold these arms again. 

 

Their lips moved, almost dancing as Tony wrapped himself around Steve a little tighter, opened his mouth little more, letting Steve invade him. 

 

Steve felt like a drowning man come up for a gulp of air. How long had it been since he’s at least told Tony he loved him, how long and it been since he last talked to Peter? He didn’t want to think about that so he focused on the here and now, making Tony feel good and forget all the horrors of what’s happened, even for a few minutes, he has a feeling it’s something they both need. 

 

Tony quickly got lost in the pleasurable hum going along his body, feeling Steve hard against his thigh. He brought back so many dirty and wonderful memories.

 

Steve pulled back, going for Tony’s neck but he started to realize the situation, how vulnerable Tony is. “I want to be with you, is that ok?” Tony was catching his breath, his lips kiss swollen and eyes watery. “Just fuck me Rodgers, we both need to forget for a bit.” Steve didn’t need to be told twice as he drove back in, crashing his lips to Tony’s, wrapping him up so close and tight as he lead them to the bed. Tony pulled away. “Don’t be gentle.”

 

 

 

Tony was on his back, gripping Steve’s shirt tightly as he continued ravishing Steve’s mouth, sucking his tongue and battling his mouth. Steve moaned into it, straddling Tony’s waist, nearly gasping as their cloth covers cocks met, grinding against each other. 

 

Steve wasn’t sure how they did it but Tony was pulling clothes off and Steve was helping and their clothes were strewn about the room as he felt skin on skin, Steve getting the bottle of lube that was always kept in the bedside drawer, he’s happy to see nothing changed. 

 

He inserted gentle slick finger into Tony’s entrance. Tony gasped, letting out little breathy moans.  “More...Steve...please.” 

Steve kissed his thigh. “You’ll get more, I promise.” 

 

He gently thrust his finger in and out before adding a second one, feeling Tony tense before letting out a few breathless moans. Steve felt each breath go straight his cock, feeling the need for friction, to feel that heat flow though his blood. 

 

He couldn’t help himself, he kissed Tony, swallowing his moans down as he thrust his two fingers in and out, stretching Tony for him. 

 

Tony was a moaning mess, wrapping his arms around Steve, fingers tangling in blonde hair as he felt those strong fingers thrust into him like a piston. He could come just like this, with Steve’s lips on his and his fingers inside him. 

 

Steve added a third, suckling at Tony’s neck as Tony tensed with the burn of the stretch. Steve mumbled assurances into his sweaty skin. “I love you..I love you so much Tony...gonna make you feel so good..” Tony was panting. “I love you too...”

 

It wasn’t long before Steve lubed himself up and lined up, the head of his cock poking the tight entrance. Steve swallowed his emotions down, holding Tony’s hips. “Are you sure? I won’t be mad if you don’t want to-“ Tony answered him by wrapping his legs around his waist and pulling, forcing him inside just a little. 

 

Both gasped, Steve mostly out of surprise, having not expected that move but he kept it going, going inch by inch,biting his lip. Even stretched and prepared Tony was still tight and he worried he was hurting him, when he looked up to see how Tony was, worried. He felt how tense he was and his eyes staring at the ceiling, panting through it. 

 

 

 

Steve leaned down, kissing him gently. “Hey, if it’s too much-“ “It’s not. Just...it’s been a while.” Steve hating he was hurting him so he went slower, kissing and suckling at his neck, his hand coming to Tony’s cock that’s softened just a little from the pain, starting to stroke him back to hardness. 

 

It felt like it took forever but barely a few minutes before Steve was buried inside of him and Tony was panting from pleasure, moaning as Steve started to move, slowly. 

 

Tony was wrapped around Steve like a cat; fingers gripping his hair, the skin on the nape of his neck as he thrust in and out, wanting to hide his face, wanting to hide from the well of emotions he felt. Steve was going a just fast enough pace that it was still considered love making and not fucking and Tony isn’t sure how to feel. 

 

He fucking missed Steve so much. 

 

He was panting and moaning when Steve hit that spot, gripping his hair a little tighter. Steve moaned, wrapping Tony up in his arms as he kept going, feeling heat settle in the pit of his stomach. “Ooh Tony...I missed you... I missed you so much.” Tony felt a lump from in his throat and a hitch of breath escaped as he felt himself nearing the breaking point. “Steve...” Steve pulled up, staring into Tony’s eyes as he thrust into him again and again before finally leaning  down to capture his lips as he came, feeling Tony do the same. Swallowing his moan down as he worked himself into his body, filling him up as he felt splatters against his own stomach. 

 

Steve just held him, staying still, scared if he let go Tony and this moment would disappear. 

 

Tony startled him as he spoke up, voice quiet. “So this is it? Do we just go back together like nothing happened?” __Like you didn’t try to kill me with your shie__ _ _ld__

 

Steve held Tony’s face gently as he spoke. “We can talk, do this properly if you want.” “No. I...I just want you. All the shit thats happened doesn’t matter now that half the universe is gone. That Peter is gone.” Tony felt his eyes water and Steve kissed his head, pulling out and holding him close. “I promise, I’m not leaving.” 


End file.
